Unsurprisingly, Jude Law hasn't high tailed it down to Florida to see babymama Samantha Burke and newborn daughter Sophia with an ‘It's a girl!' balloon in tow. Quite the opposite, in fact.
The Woman's Day runs a story this week with the headline 'Jude Snubs His Kiwi Baby,' detailing his less than enthusiastic response to his daughter's birth. I do find it curious, the way they keep pimping this ‘Kiwi' angle. Are we supposed to be proud?
While happy to pay maintenance for the baby, born September 22, the actor has supposedly "made it clear to friends that he doesn't want anything to do with his half-Kiwi child."
The 36-year-old actor, currently appearing as Hamlet on Broadway, is said to be "very concerned about the impact this scandal has had on his public image, a scandal that has done nothing to dispel his playboy reputation."
I thought his reputation was as a once-hot actor with fading looks and a receding hairline. At least this proves women are still keen to sleep with him, no?
He told ex-wife Sadie Frost, who's furious because of the stress the news has put their three children under, that he only slept with Burke once. Once is all it takes, my friend!
But she insists they dated for about six weeks.
Who do you believe?
"He has told Sadie that Samantha is putting pressure on him to be involved with their daughter's life and be an active father, but he's trying to keep the peace with her and get her to understand that he doesn't wish to get to know his daughter. But he desperately wants Samantha to take the monthly payouts and leave him alone."
Obviously, little Sophia's start to life isn't ideal. But Jude is ponying up to his financial responsibilities for a mistake both he and Burke made. Women can take care of the contraception too, and she didn't as much as he didn't. If he doesn't want a relationship with an unplanned child he only found out was coming two months before her birth, surely that's his choice? A wanky choice, perhaps, but his to make.
Yes, it's all a bit Eddie Murphy and hardly makes him a candidate for father of the year.
But I suspect his babymama hopes an interest in their new baby on Jude's part will develop into a renewed interest in her.
Thoughts?
The mag also reports Law had a rather cosy reunion with former fiancée Sienna Miller at a party thrown to "celebrate the recovery from a kidney infection of the actress' dog Bess." How Hollywood!
Bess must have recovered rather nicely, as Sienna's pet pooch is snapped in the NW walking in New York City with her mistress - and Sienna's co-star in her current Broadway play After Miss Julie, Jonny Lee Miller.
He's just Sienna's type. First, he's married with kids. Second, he's an old pal of Jude's, and she's got form, once having a fling with Law's best mate Daniel Craig after Jude slept with his children's nanny - getting some tat for his bit of tit, if you will.
Third, they share the same surname! Coincidence or conspiracy? Okay, it's a coincidence. But uncanny nonetheless.
"The Brits were clearly engrossed in each other," reports the mag hopefully. To be honest, they don't really look it from the pictures.
New Idea, the Day and the Weekly are all running the story of Katie Holmes standing up to the Scientology monster and enrolling her daughter Suri in Catholic preschool in Boston, where the Cruise family has set up shop for the rest of the year.
I touched on this last week, and the story's already been proven to be complete phooey.
While the mags claim Suri's enrolled to begin classes at Boston's Catholic Charities Yawkey Centre for Early Education and Care, a spokesperson for the school has stated that Katie and Suri were simply visiting a museum within the school grounds.
You think Xenu would let her go that easily? Sounds great, but it's not true.
Where's Isabella? Woman's Day also asks, pondering the case of the missing Kidman Cruise child. Supposedly Tom Cruise's eldest daughter is asserting her independence and hasn't been seen with the family since July. And let's face it - the chances of her being with mum Nicole Kidman are rather slim.
"Isabella's become her own person, while Connor is like a mini-me of Tom," a source tells the mag. "He's athletic, interested in acting and immersed in Scientology - he's just Tom's perfect kid. Next to Connor, Isabella is the odd one out. She's a lovely girl, but just seems awkward."
The Weekly reports that Nicole Kidman is still denying she's ever had Botox, even while a veritable army of professional plastic surgeons say bullpucky.
Time to start playing another tune, love.
One expert told an industry conference in Canada the actress was "so ‘over-Botoxed' she was giving the industry a bad name."
I saw Australia a few weeks ago. Slow off the blocks, yes, I know, but it wasn't high on my to-do list. Every time Nicole Kidman was on screen I found myself ignoring the plot and dialogue and transfixed by her tight forehead and strange shaped lips.
Nicole's waxy visage has long been the subject of surgery rumours, but the new kid on the Botox block is rumoured to be none other than ladies' man George Clooney. Apparently he admitted to Oprah two years ago that he'd had an eyelift, and he's rumoured to have had a second one as well as a few jabs from the Botox needle.
The Weekly runs this week with a face to shift thousands of units, that of Camilla Parker Bowles, and the story inside is on her husband's determined campaign to make her his queen when he ascends to the throne.
The couple face stiff public opposition to the idea of Queen Camilla in Britain, but "they are counting on time being a great healer."
In other royal matters, the Weekly reports Prince Harry and Chelsy ‘On The Rocks' Davy are back on in the romance department! The pair was snapped out on the town in London, although the Zimbabwean born Davy doesn't look too chuffed in the pics the Weekly is running.
The pair spent their evening sharing "martini cocktails with a drag queen friend at a nearby bar."
Ah, the romance!
New Idea seconds this motion. Running the same pics, but with more detail. There's talk of ‘clandestine meetings' and ‘overnight rendezvous.' How cloak and dagger! Sounds like they should be wearing trench coats.
Oprah's ‘losing the battle of the bulge' reports the Weekly, amid reports that the talk show queen's weight is up around the 136kg mark.
Her dietary discipline was once legendary, but word is "nothing gives her a quick boost like a plate of potatoes mashed with butter and covered with onion gravy."
Interestingly, the Big O is getting currently getting sued after Oprah's goddaughter, Kirby Bumpus (sounds like an amusement park ride!) got a flight attendant on Oprah's private jet fired after alleging she had sex with the pilot during a stopover on the aircraft. The pair passed lie detector tests, but neither were rehired.
"This lawsuit could lead to all kinds of scurrilous stories" a source tells the mag. I love that word, scurrilous! "Lawyers will try to slur the nature of her friendship with Gayle in the hope of forcing a settlement. Oprah has denied publicly that she and Gayle are lovers, but it could still get unpleasant."
The Day reports Pamela Anderson has reportedly traded in her pet fashion designer for a pet child, raising eyebrows amongst advocacy groups. The withered star arrived at a Hollywood awards night with a nine-year-old girl carrying the train of her frock.
"Pamela was telling people it was her daughter. And after she presented an award on stage, she shouted ‘Daughter,' and slapped her leg like she was calling a puppy."
In the same mag Paris Hilton is getting it in the neck from PETA, who say she's a "wretched example" of a responsible pet owner, treating her animals "as disposable as her friends and fiancées."
You'd need more than an insult or two to pierce this girl's rock-solid sense of self-esteem. It's thick as a rhino's hide!
The heirhead's pictured in the mag kissing a chimpanzee at some do in LA. The chimp could do better.
The NW leads this week with the diet tips of the stars, which basically follow these rules: no carbs, no booze, no sugar, no fun. The curvy Kardashian sisters look fab in their bikinis, but their full on gym regimes and bland diets leave me rather cold.
I just can't imagine myself ever wanting to eat steamed meat.
David Hasselhoff, who keeps insisting he's not back on the sauce, reportedly got so tanked at Simon Cowell's recent 50th birthday bash that the Day says he "wet the hotel bed, abused staff and tried to thump his assistant, but punched the doctor instead."
The Day reckons it has the scoop on Angelina and Brad's French madhouse, where the four eldest kids Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh rule the roost because their superstar mama "wants their souls to evolve." They dine on a dinner of cheese, chips, grapes and chocolate at 11pm, they wear whatever they please, and delight in ambushing one of their nannies on a constant basis.
"They all wait at the top of the stairs and launch plastic arrows at her, then laugh hysterically and run."
Hmm, who'd have thought four kids under the age of eight would enjoy acting up?
Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting it on! And NW has the rather adorable pics of the couple - from his London home to Paris Fashion Week. They look good together. She's not stupid, I'm sure she's protecting herself from all his cooties past and present.
Even his ex approves!
"Of everyone I've seen him with, Katy is the most compatible partner he's had for a long time," says Suzanne Coppin.
"She's really sharp and has a sense of humour like a guy. They both love to make fart jokes! It's a match made in heaven."
I'm with Katy and Russell. I may be 30 but a fart will never, ever not be funny.
And that's all from the mags this week!
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